Day 5: The Burger Babe

We have officially gone 1 long work week without eating ANY meat, dairy, or processed foods! Some days have been better than others. I have found that days that I don't have to work are way easier than days when I have to spend 8 hours running around at Starbucks. My job keeps me moving and on my feet so when I clock out at night I am RAVENOUSLY hungry. Like, Hulk style.

Yesterday I worked from 3-11:30pm. For the entirety of my shift, I felt great! I had energy, I wasn't starving, I was in a peppy mood- I generally felt good. However, about an hour before we closed I started to think about what I was going to eat when I got home. I am so used to rewarding myself after a long, late weekend night shift with some McDonalds Dollar Menu or Nestle Tollhouse Chocolate Lovers cookie dough. Last night was no different- my body was starting to moan, "Need...foood..." I mentally perused my cabinet and fridge that awaited me- 1 apple. Bag of baby carrots. 2 head of broccoli. 2 potatoes. 1 sweet potato. 1 can of black beans. 1 can of corn. 1 can of garbonzo beans. Now, don't get me wrong. This is GOOD food. Its just that most of this stuff has to be mixed with things or at least cooked to make it enjoyable. The last thing I want to do after a Saturday night shift is to come home and play chef.

I started to lose it. Transforming- ever so slowly- into the angry, hungry side of me that I now refer to as "The Burger Babe"

Do not be deceived by her girlish title. The Burger Babe may be super attractive (oh yeah) but she will rip your head off in one swift grab for the item she seeks. More than love, more than money, more than those amazing leather boots at Macy's, Burger Babe wants BURGER.

I started to sweat-my eyes were darting back and forth-my mouth started to twitch-my pupils turned red-my teeth began to point and sharpen.

I managed (with lots of deep breaths) to make it home without seriously injuring any pedestrians or rear-ending that super obnoxious suv in front of me that turned into the McDonold's drive thru.

I stumbled up the stairs- losing control of my thoughts and actions more and more every second. "Cheese....mustard...angus patty..." It was almost to0 late when I grabbed the tub of oatmeal on my counter. I was beginning to convulse as I poured it into a bowl. Oats were flying everywhere. I shoved in the microwave and rolled into a ball on the floor waiting for the excruciating minute to pass. I could barely hear the beep of the microwave over the deafening sound of a grill being fired up that filled my head. I grabbed the bowl, ran to the couch, turned on SNL, and ate.

My friends, I ate the biggest bowl of oatmeal you have ever seen. Somewhere between the first and last bite I started to calm down. The sweating stopped. The sounds of burger-making that had filled my head earlier where soothed. I was myself again.

Until next time, Burger Babe. I should probably start carrying around oatmeal to fight her sudden visits. To protect the public, of course.