I don't know if you know this, but I work with cancer patients over the phone. This can be a rewarding job, and also a job that can drive you crazy. The mixture of being on the phone all day and dealing with incredibly horrendous illnesses and symptoms can be a deathly cocktail of sensory overload. Add a shot of "Not Getting That Thing You Crave", and it can get deadly.
My stomach was burning with fire as I eagerly pushed the steamed broccoli into my stomach at 12:04 on Friday afternoon- on top of the steel grain oats I had for breakfast. When I was finished, I took a deep breath and for the first time felt a panic. "I'm not going to get anything I desperately want to eat for 20 more days." A cold sweat broke out as my stomach churned as I started shifting in my seat.
All I had been eating was fiber. Broccoli and Steel Cut Oats? "Are you crazy?" I thought of the impending "Perfect Storm" that was happening inside as I got back on the phones with a patient who was generally unthankful for talking to me and not his doctor. "I'm sorry, Dr. So-And-So is in the clinic right now, I can take a message and... blahblahblah.." Same thing everyday. I was feeling my heart beat faster and faster as the walls started to close around me. This mixture of food claustrophobia and Colon Blow scraping my insides made me feel like I was going off the reservation. Then I ran- TO THE BATHROOM.
I dashed down the halls, my phone headset flinging behind me like this sort of pseudo-celebratory wedding car string of cans dancing and hopping on the carpet (I may be taking creative license on the details).
What happened in that bathroom will remain a private and intimate detail of my life, but I want you to know it was frightening. All in all, I left that bathroom feeling a strange sort of relief and fear.
In the words of Wendell Berry, I walked away practicing "Resurrection".
gross, and hilarious.
ReplyDeleteI only wish Fiero had been there to comfort you in your moment of need/relief.